Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The things you love but can't have...for now

Top - thirfted; Skirt - thrifted; Necklace - bazaar; Sandals - What A Girl Wants

I have been feeling the urge to buy new shoes the past few days but I always find reasons not to give in. When I saw this pair of boots at Aldo, my heart beat twice as fast and I blurted to the boyfriend "Ohmygodthisisit!". But it's for 3,200+ pesosesoses and that's just too much money to shell out for me. My heart sank. When we went out of the store, the boyfriend smiled and told me he'll buy it for me next month. I think I hesitated and probably said no, but I also think I said 'thank you'. I couldn't remember exactly because a lot came through my head at once - "I want it! If I'm gonna be selfish and not care, I could buy it! But I still have my siblings to support (though my father told me not to worry because they aren't my responsibility but still)... Aah, that was a lovely pair... Must-resist-must-not-desire..." I held back my tears.

Another instance was when I decided to buy shoes instead of purchasing Fashion Now 2 at Fullybooked. Then when I saw the shoes I wanted, I hesitated and decided P700 is still expensive. I know, it's already relatively cheap for a pair but I'm a cheapskate. I immediately tried to convince myself that I don't need it now as much as I want to think I do.

Then Pax of Drowning Equilibriums announced she's accepting orders again for the brogues she's selling. I've been wanting a pair or two for months now but I've been having self-imposed financial constipation that I couldn't just buy a pair. I dunno but I even sort-of asked permission from the boyfriend if I could buy one! I know it's idiotic right? WTH. So he asked "Why are you asking permission from me? Go buy one!" Then of course again I said I won't for now.

It's utterly heartbreaking. I know it seems shallow and all but I can't help it. I also remember shedding tears (haha!) after visiting a Promod store because I wanted to buy a dress or skirt (such prettiness of things they sell!) but I need to hold back because I have to set my money aside on "more important expenditures".

I'm not materialistic and I seldom desire for pretty-and-expensive things because I know I don't have all the money in the world. That's why I scour thrift shops and work on whatever I have. Then I have my siblings who need my financial support though I'm not obliged to. Probably I'm like my late mother (Oh, Mom...), she liked clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, going to exciting places but because she had limited finances she couldn't have all the things that make her heart skip a beat.


Jana and Vanessa said...

Cute look honey!
Keep it up and thanks for sharing!
All the best
Midnight Couture Girls